Casting my cares and anxieties

My blogging has been spotty of late. I have been incredibly busy... I'm always busy running after 7 kids, but lately it's been "busy on steroids". Last week was one of the worst weeks I've had in a few years. Break in at the house. Devastating news about one of my kids. Add to that the pressures of everyday life and I was burdened. I had anxieties. But it was different. I knew people were praying for me and I was praying too. I felt like I was lifted above all of the "junk".
Yesterday I got the privilege to speak to a nursing home in the community. I was running late from my 6th grade boys class and I walked in the community room where the residents meet. There they were, all in a circle...most in wheel chairs, some in mobile recliners, one with a walker. There is one lady who is sort of the "ring leader" of the bunch. She said that they were going to sing "their little song". I asked what it was and it was "Jesus Loves Me". I grinned and said that it was perfect. Little did they know that in my "sermon", I had used the reference to my boys singing their "new song". Priceless.
In the sermon I spoke about casting your burdens to the Lord, because He cares for you. Notice this isn't, "Um, excuse me, Lord...could you please, if you don't mind...could you carry this for me...I don't think I can handle this...it's too big." Nope...it's, "Lord, CATCH!!" Casting...throwing...or in some cases dumping. The Lord can take it and He will take our burdens. I have been working on the casting part...sometimes I like to handle the "Junk" and carry the burden...but I can't...at least not for long. My shoulders are only strong enough to carry it long enough to roll it over to Him.

Psalm 55: 22
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."

1 Peter 5:6-7
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Sorta Numb

Have you ever had some major stuff happen in your life and you're kinda numb? I hope I'm not the only one who does that. This week has been filled with some tough things coming our family's way. Sometimes I put myself on auto pilot and that's easy to do. I'm trying not to do that. I'm a routine nut and I'm trying to get back into a routine after being away for a few days. Add to that the stuff going on and I'm numb. I'm trying to step back and remain aware of what's going on around me. Robin, my wife, s it when I "check out". It's really a gift given to men. Before males are born (and I are one), our brains are washed in testosterone. This does some weird stuff to our brains. I think one thing it does is whenever we have children, a button is activated and we are instantly able to zone out and watch sports on TV. Or be busy doing something around the house or outside. Some think it's a curse, some think it's a blessing. I'm not sure. All of that rambling to say I'm numb. Life is nuts and I'm trying my best not to carry it on my shoulders. I tell my older kids often, our shoulders are strong enough to carry our "stuff" long enough to roll them over to God. I think I'll roll 'em over and let God handle it. I may be losing that numbness after all!

A renewal of sorts

I just spent two and a half days with some of the most amazing people on earth. My wife and I are houseparents with a non profit organization. ( That's why I have so many kids!) I spent two and a half days at a training retreat in a beautiful place in Tennessee. I come away from these "events" renewed. I am more aware of the calling God has placed on my life to pour Jesus into my kids. I am humbled to be around such awesome people. I've known some of the folks for 20 years, and some I just met for the first time. These folks are simply amazing. During the retreat, we got two bits of really bad news. The first was that our home was broken into on Monday. The second was a really huge bomb that was sent our way concerning one of our kids. Raising kids is tough, and our kids have tons of baggage. The whole time we were there, we were ecouraged and lifted up. We're all in this together and it's so vital to see that we are not alone in what we do. If anyone in the group reads this silly little post, please know that I pray for you and I thank God for you all. I was reminded of how blessed I am to be considered a peer in the ministry we're all called to. I was reminded of how crucial it is for God to work in me, to overflow Him...I can't be empty. I was reminded of how awesome it is that I get a chance to serve God by raising kids. Thanks to you all...and "Pass the green beans."

How often I forget to take in beauty around me.

I have a beautiful wife. I have a beautiful family. I live in a beautiful home on some beautiful land. I am currently visiting a beautiful country inn in Tennessee. It's gorgeous here. Every room in the inn is wonderful and they are steps away from beautiful views. Being here reminds me to take in the beauty around me. I am so blessed, but it's so easy to get wrapped up in the everyday stuff that I forget to take in the physical beauty that surrounds me. I think God gets us away at times to remind us of the beautiful places. St. John, USVI is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Last week I was at the doctor and my blood pressure was high. The doctor wanted to take it himself and as he did so, I thought of St. John. It went down...I took in the beauty. Maybe this little blog entry can remind you to "take it in". There is beauty all around. Maybe it's a little one's voice singing a song. A bird flying through the air. A flower that catches your eye. Beauty...it's there to take in....like a special gift from God.

'Cause My Daddy Tells Me So

One of my good friends reminded me of this story. My 4 year old gives me great material to work with! He teaches me a lot about life if I will pay attention. Not too long ago he learned "Jesus Loves Me." One day he was singing it and when he came to the part that normally says "For the Bible tells me so..." He sang ," Cause my Daddy tells me so".
There is so much to pull from that little line. First, it's humbling to know that I can have a huge impact on my kid's lives. Second, I need to watch what I say and do because I have little eyes and ears watching and listening. Third, I need to have that child like faith...believe just 'cause.
I don't have an earthly "Daddy" anymore...he passed away when I was a baby. But I do have a Heavenly "Daddy" and I need to know that Jesus loves me " 'Cause my Daddy tells me so."

This is my 4 year old's blog

Um I don't really know. I don't know. Who put my heart fishy on the wall? I got that at school. I had fun today. I played with my sister. She was ugly she didn't push me on the swing. I said "I need help I need help!" And her didn't push me. I'm done talking about it. I'm going to go outside. I'm going to be late. I already helped you three times.

I'm sick, but I've been "healed" by my 4 year old

Today I've been sick. It hit yesterday. I spent 2 days on the tractor, cutting the land in front and to the side of the house. Allergies hit with a vengeance. Sore throat. Throbbing headache. Stuffy nose. Hurting eyes. Now I know I need to use a mask. My only hesitation in using a mask is that I'll look like a dork. But my wife and kids regularly let me know that I'm a dork. So I'm gonna buy me a mask before I cut the next time. I think I'll actually get one of those $7 gas masks from the Army/Navy store. I'll look cool for sure!
This afternoon I was sitting in my chair resting. I asked my four year old to give me a hug...it would make me feel better. He gave me a great hug and he then he asked me, "You're better now?" "Yep...I'm better now."
It reminded me to have that child like faith that Jesus talked about. Isn't that what the Kingdom of God is made of? Folks with childlike faith.

God lets us let go when we're ready

I do a lot of thinking when I am driving. I drive a lot. I have 7 kids in 6 different schools and only one of them carpools. I was thinking about what one of our Student Pastors said at a recent Student Ministry Leader's meeting. He talked about the Samaritan woman at the well who Jesus spoke to (John 4). He talked about how we all have our "wells" and ultimately, Jesus needs to be our well.
I was thinking today about how I hold on to stuff. Things that may not be bad, but I still hold on to for comfort. Maybe it's a routine, money in my wallet, whatever... It reminded me of one of my kids from a while back. When he first came to us he was so hungry for a family. He loved being a part of our family. My wife and I had to leave for a training retreat and we were gone for two and a half days. He fell apart when we were gone. He was convinced that we were never coming back. The next time Robin and I had to go out of town, I gave him something to hold on to until I came back. I was in a fan club for a NASCAR driver at the time (he's no longer driving--he kinda stunk and got out of the sport!) . I gave him my "membership" card to hold on to while I was gone. He held on to it and when I talked to him over the phone, he was holding it, hoping I would return. I came back and he gave it back to me. This went on for about a year. Then it happened...one trip was coming up and he didn't ask to hold on to anything. He knew we would return.
Doesn't God do that with us? He lets us hold on to stuff...as long as it's not harmful to us. And sure enough, when we're ready, we let go of what we're holding on to. So if you're holding on to stuff, maybe it's time to let it go. You can always trust in God...He'll always show up when He's supposed to.

We truly are blessed

I had a long day today. It was a good one, but a long one. I teach a 6th grade class on Sunday mornings at church...not to be confused with Sunday School. We call them LifeGroups...before that it was the Link. Before even that they were Bible Study Fellowships or simply BSF.
Church was good. I had only my 2 youngest with me today...my wife and the rest of the kids were in the mountains at my wife's grandparents' home. I left late Saturday night to get back home from a long day of working at "Nanny and Papa's". I teach in the evenings at something we call the Link...it changed from the mornings and now the Sunday night time is called The Link. I have ADD...this is NOT funny to keep changing the names of stuff. I am confused enough on my own. I also had a youth leader's meeting and headed out of church around 8:45 PM.
See...I do have ADD and I went on at least 2 rabbit trails!!
Basically, I had a long day of church activities, sandwiched in between was a nap...angels singing. After the meeting, I went to Wal-Mart to do a little grocery shopping. We were out of stuff and we really needed the groceries. The dogs wanted to eat too, so I had to get dog food. 200 bucks later we have school lunch stuff, 2 suppers (Southern for dinner), a little snack stuff, a dog watering thingee, dog food, and an array of paper products. I'm a dork--I just went down my grocery list.
The "We are truly blessed" title comes in now. I was in line to check out...it's never a fast experience at Wal-Mart. I was in line and I thought of how blessed we are. There are people that can't get a buggy full of food and supplies. Some can't even go to stores like Wal-Mart...they have no supply. I propped my arm up on the Coke cooler and said a little prayer of thanks. We are truly blessed.

Happy Tears

I have only one comment on one entry--this has kind of bummed me out, but that's OK. This blogging thing has been sort of therapeutic for me.
The children in my home aren't my birth children. My wife and I have had 35 children in our home in almost 11 1/2 years. (Not 35 at the same time! The most we had at one time was 14) The "Happy Tears" story happened about 10 years ago.
One of our daughters was sitting with my wife...she was 11 or 12. She told Robin, "Mom, I didn't know I needed a bath every day until I got here." Then she asked my wife, "Mom, tell me about my first day here at home." Robin told her that she was so excited that her babies had come home...they maybe didn't come from a delivery room, but they came and they were beautiful. Our daughter came with two of her siblings and Robin went on to describe their first day. They had a picnic outside in a play house and Robin called one of her siblings "angel". This was a big deal because she had been called "demon child" for most of her life.
Our daughter started to cry. Robin said to her, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you cry." Our daughter replied, "Oh Mama...Oh Mama! These are my first happy tears!!"
I am so thankful to God for allowing me to be a part of our kids' lives. People often ask us how we do what we do. To my wife and I it's no big deal...it's what God has called us to do. I'll try to share more stories if y'all don't mind.
Let me know if anyone is reading this stuff I'm writing!!

Geesus Loves Me

Yesterday morning the kids were sitting around the table having breakfast and sort of hanging out, hanging out as much as kids can hang out. Our 4 year old starting singing Jesus Loves Me. Sometimes he says "Geesus". His 6 year old brother joined in and they both started singing. They sang Jesus Loves Me and Jesus Loves The Little Children. Some of the other kids joined in the singing too.
This may seem like no big deal, but they have been with us for a little over 8 months. When they both came to us their song was Bad Boys, the song from the T.V. show Cops. Their little hearts have softened a lot and they have a new song to sing. It was a moment to take in. What sweet songs...sung with sweet voices. They had no idea what they were really doing, but they were praising God and worshiping Him with their songs.
Worship leaders often quote the Bible and say that God inhabits the praises of his people. It's a vague reference to Psalm 22:3. I did some looking up online and found some cool references to the verse. I'm not big into using different versions to "fit" what you're trying to say, but one of the versions I use is the ESV, The English Standard Version. Psalm 22: 3 says, "Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel." The footnote on the verse says "or dwelling in the praises".
I imagine God dwelling in my praises...pretty cool stuff. Hearing my kids singing...yeah, I could dwell there too. It was such a sweet sound. What a change from "Bad boys, bad boys, what ya goin' to do" to "Jesus Loves Me". Those sweet moments help keep me going.

I'm a dummy

I'm a dummy. No ifs ands or buts. I was a real jerk today to my wife and it is not cool. I it when I say stupid stuff. I mentioned in another post about a reset button. Boy, did I need one earlier. Maybe even a rewind button...geeze, I'm a dork. I'm glad that God's not through with me yet. Sometimes I am overwhelmed when I think of how much I need to work on in my life.
Maybe that's the problem...I need to let God do His work on me and in me. I'm not a very good handy man around the house and it makes sense for me to have someone else do big jobs around the house. If I had to replace the roof, I think we would have to go to a restaurant supply company to order 242 pots to hold the water leaking from the roof.
There is a children's song from church that I used to sing when I worked with children..."He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be...It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars, the sun and the moon and Jupiter and Mars...How loving and patient He must be...'cause He's still working on me..."
I guess I need to let Him work on me...

Contented Sighs

My four year old sleeps across the hall from my wife and me. I can't sleep tonight. It's after 1 AM and I find myself up on my laptop. I hear my four year old sigh. It's one of those really sweet sighs. It's one of those sighs that says, "My mommy and daddy love me. I love to play. I'm sleeping. I'm safe. Life is good."
As a Dad, I love to hear those sighs. Whenever I hear one of those sighs, I sorta sigh too. I take a deep breath and say a little prayer of thanks. I think God loves to hear our sighs too. Maybe it's a little prayer that's rolling off of our breath. Maybe it's a happy tear streaming down our face. I think God delights in those happy moments in our lives.
My four year old hasn't always been across the hall. He used to live in a pretty rough place. He experienced some pretty rough stuff at such a little age. When he first came, he had nightmares of monsters getting him. He would cry in the middle of the night and it broke my heart. He's safe now. He's happy now. He has contented sighs now.

Warning: Spring Break Sucks Out Brain Cells!

Spring Break is a tool for teachers everywhere to inflict revenge on the parents. The teachers are paying back the parents for the 180 days of school. "We will interrupt your schedules and reek havoc on your children's routines!" the teachers say to us.
This morning I pull up after taking one of my kids to the orthodontist. My four year old comes out in his pajamas wearing his Lightning McQueen slip on shoes. Along with him is my 9 year old, barefoot, and wearing her short pajama set with her thick winter coat. My 12 year old is outside fully dressed with some dress shoes on. All 3 dogs are roaming around mixing in with the three kids. They looked like they were refugees fleeing the mother country coming from a disaster area. Today at lunch they woofed down 2 family size bags of Cheetos Puffs, one regular, one flaming hot. The kids' hands are all covered in red or orange dust, mixing with the yellow pollen that's everywhere. Spring Break is here and the brain cells have left the building.
Summer isn't so bad. You have enough time to settle in to a "non-school" routine. Spring Break is short enough to throw a monkey wrench in the whole routine. Please, dear God, let Sunday roll around so we can go to church, have a day at home and have a what we call a "School Night".

I need a restart button

Have you ever needed a restart button? You know, like the ones on handheld electronic devices. Lately I have been drifting away from God. I haven't been in the Word like I need to be. I'm over the guilt trips I used to get into when I missed some quiet times with God. I used to really beat myself up when I missed. I would think to myself, "You're such a heathen...there's no way that God could ever love you... you missed three days this week!" I'm glad God doesn't keep a quota on that kind of stuff. I think He just misses me. He genuinely wants to spend time with me. I know I need to spend time with Him...I sometimes cram my life with so much junk that I kinda push Him out.
Today in church I was thinking about the reset button. God gives us one...whenever we confess our sins (1 John 1:9) God gives us a reset button. He forgives us, cleanses us, and He resets our relationship with Him. The cool thing about God's reset button is that He doesn't erase any of the good stuff. Whenever you hit a reset button with electronic stuff everything is erased. With God, the good stuff remains and the bad stuff is gone. There may still be consequences for the bad stuff like strained or broken relationships, but the baggage can be dropped off and left behind.
I prayed today for the reset button. I need to start again....and I'll need the reset button again. But for now I'll just go on with a new start.

No quiet mornings

There is no such thing as a quiet morning in my house anymore! At one time we could sleep in until 9. Now it's between 6 and 7. Our 4 year old and 6 year old make sure that there is no one around them asleep. Today it's raining. A perfect Saturday to sleep in. Our 6 year old is convinced that if we sleep in that we will sleep in all day. No matter how many times we tell him that we won't sleep in all day he is still convinced that we will spend the entire day asleep.
When I "step back" and look at it, it's really not a bad thing. How jaded I have become as an adult. The boys are simply jumping at the start of another day. I need to wake up! God has blessed me with another day...there will be only one April 5, 2008. It's gonna take some time to change my "grumpiness" about early mornings, but hopefully I will do it, Lord willing. How many times do I miss out on some awesome stuff just because I don't want to wake up?

I'm the worst Dad ever.

I am the worst Dad ever. Ever ever. Today was a rough day for being a Dad to a teenage daughter. My thirteen year old got in the van today from school and clammed up. Silence. Crickets. I poked her arm and then tickled her. "Stop...I don't want to be touched." What happened to my little girl??? Geeze...I have raised teenage girls before. I had 5 girls ALL THE SAME AGE. That meant 5 mood swings...5 emotional breakdowns...5 proms...5 boyfriends to beat with baseball bats. Surely after surviving 5 teenage girls at the same time I could handle one thirteen year old! I dunno....I guess I'm letting it get to me too much. I simply want a good relationship with my daughter. Is that too much to ask for? Well....I'm gonna try again tomorrow...I just will skip the tickling part.

First Blog

O.K. Here goes...my first blog. I have nothing earth shattering to say today. Maybe I need to introduce myself. I'm Wally. My real first name is Wilson. Wally came in High School and it stuck in college. I am married to an incredible wife...for almost 17 years. I am a child of the 70's and a teen of the 80's. I am a Christian...I've been one since the age of 12. I am a Dad...to 14 kids...none by birth. I have 7 kids in the house and 7 out and my family will continue to grow. Life is nuts around my house. I will try to write every so often....take care and maybe this will be a fun ride!